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30 January 2009 @ 09:54 pm
[18] FANFIC: Heaven Help Us  
title: heaven help us
author: proboscus
rating: r
pairing: rasiel/belphegor
summary: Siel wonders how long it would take to cut Bel open, the amount of time the skin needs to heal after you slice it with a sharp knife. He wonders what the inside of Bel's skin feels like and if he could lay there forever, among knotted webs of veins. He wonders, if they could finally become one, and when.
misc: everything belongs to someone else. written in response to a request on the kink meme. twincest, underage sex if you follow canon. maybe we could all close our eyes and pretend they're legal, even if only in japan. weird imagery, weirdness overall, but hey this is bel and jill we're talking about here. blood, some ropes and unnecessary introspection. OOC-ness?

People may say that it is no different from making love to a mirror. They may say, while averting their eyes, that it is wrong to love someone who looks a lot like yourself. Not just any person who might have the same nose or the same eye color, but someone who looks exactly like you, eyes, nose, and all. Even if no two snowflakes are alike, there is no written rule that says once in awhile, there can't be any exceptions.

Maybe in a different universe, there exists a snowflake that looks exactly like the one you found clinging dearly on a leaf. Maybe in your dimension this snowflake lookalike hasn't existed yet, and you have to wait for one just like it in ten or twelve years. Or maybe it does exist, this snowflake lookalike, but it exists only in a totally different dimension, one wherein the first snowflake - the one you found with that leaf - is the snowflake lookalike, and the first snowflake, the one with the leaf, is the second snowflake, the one without it.

In another entirely different dimension, probably the last in the universe, they could be one and the same snowflake; they could be clinging right this second on that very leaf, the best they could. The possibilities are endless as they are exhausting.

People say that it is no different from making love to a mirror, but have they ever tried making love to a mirror? Not just kiss the surface of one, but make love to it? You have to engage in the act. Spread your legs, fuck that mirror, suck its cock. It's impossible; you could hurt yourself. Mirrors are made of glass and wood, but Belphegor is made neither of glass nor wood. He is made of the same material as anyone. He is composed of muscles and organs and hair and fingernails. He is made of sharp teeth and sharp hipbones. He is made out of the lust of his mother and father, by the same hand that drew Siel from the dust.

When Siel presses his hipbones to Bel's, they feel a lot like his hipbones too, bony and insistent. Bel laughs with every snap of Siel's hips, using a violent, ugly, raw sort of voice. But this voice is still a child's voice, and they are still children. In a year it will all come to fruition; the kingdom will fall down, Siel will fall down, but not right now. Right now both of them are doing the falling and Siel's hands are on top of Bel's, nails digging between the empty spaces. His chest is to Bel's back. Siel presses his teeth to Bel's shoulder and his teeth leave a mark, a red, half-crescent moon with little dents that turn quickly into pinpricks of blood. It looks like he has torn skin, but Bel doesn't cry. Bel isn't the type to cry; he's the type to fight back. Eye for an eye, even when Siel knows what sort of tactics his brother will resort to - dirty tactics, unclever tricks. They're brothers, twins. It's impossible not to know these things when they breathed and clawed at the same air in their mother's womb.

Now they breathe and claw at each other. It's always in competition. Even then in the womb, it had been a contest to see who could outlive the other. Maybe they are one person split apart and this is their way of trying to crawl back into the other's skin, be one again. Siel pulls, Bel shoves; there should be more pulling, less shove shove shove.

As if in protest, the couch springs creak. Their movement is too erratic. But it's always erratic, like a blood vessel pumping furiously.

Siel is on top and it's like he's trying to pound a hole through Bel hoping to achieve some kind of friction. He imagines he's trying to sink into his brother's skin. He imagines Bel pliant, lifeless, beneath him. If Bel were a rag doll, Siel would undo all his seams before climbing up inside him. Inside Bel, there'd be a hollow part shaped like Siel, as if it had been waiting forever for Siel to get his act together and finally come home. This would be your new home, it would say, and he would sleep inside Bel's ribcage and use his skin as a blanket. He would stay there forever, their fingers, their minds, their tongues interlinked. They would become one.

Bel's skin is damp with sweat that pools at the base of his spine. That's how Siel knows he's close. The first time he spread Bel's legs, Bel kicked at him and then lunged at him and then choked him very nearly to death. Siel retaliated by tying him to the bedpost next time. He also made sure Bel's fingernails were cut because sharp fingernails can and will hurt you. He doesn't like getting hurt, he likes to do the hurting. He likes the smell of Bel's blood because it smells a lot sweeter. Bel's blood is better than his in so many ways, it's thicker, and richer, like the dew of an exotic fruit.

"I'm a vampire, see how I'm sucking every drop of your blood."
"Suck my cock."
"I'd rather you suck mine."
"Fuck you."
"I'd like to see you try, little brother."

Bel shudders and chokes on an angry noise. Siel laughs but nothing is funny, except maybe for the fact that this is the fourteenth time that they've done this and nothing miraculous has happened yet; there are no seams to open, or layers of skin to use as a blanket. Bel isn't pliant, and Siel is having a hard time trying to press their hips together to keep him down. They need to practice if they ever want to get this right. The couch springs are creaking louder and Siel is laughing at the top of his lungs. Their parents can walk in any second, their mother with a disapproving frown on her face, their father with his tired eyes. She always disapproves and he always seems tired. But right now, none of those matter. Family doesn't matter at this very moment when Bel is on the verge of coming. His knees are starting to shake. That's how it is with him. He trembles because he's fighting it off, as if pleasure and pain are storms he could weather. His cock is leaking, but Siel doesn't touch it. He bids his time. Bel's are wrists bound with thick lengths of rope Olgert has especially bought for him. His wrists must be sore by now. They might even be bleeding.

"You're leaking on my couch, little brother," Siel says and buries his face in Bel's hair. He puts his nose against Bel's neck. Bel smells earthly, and human, like blood and sweat and tears.

Siel tugs at his hair, "You smell nice." he snickers. His arms loop around Bel's waist but it isn't quite an embrace. He just holds onto him, the way a sailor would hold onto a lifeboat, with a kind of desperation, hoping it may anchor him to safety. Siel tightens his grip on Bel, hard enough to crush his ribs. And Bel comes. He comes and shudders and his knees finally give away. Siel follows after him. He comes inside.

As the tremors recede, Siel is left quaking at the force of their orgasm. He could still feel it in his toes, coiled electricity snapping and crackling weakly. Bel buries his face in the couch. Blonde hair, like Siel's, spreads across the cushions. Bel is motionless, except for the up and down movement of his back. Up and down, up and down. Siel still hasn't pulled out yet. He touches his fingers to the freckles on Bel's back and thinks about the snowflake theory. Then he unties Bel's wrists slowly and lays him on his back, still on the couch. He stares at the obvious hollows of Bel's ribs, the curves of his bones; they're like Siel's, dotted with scars and freckles. Bel breathes, exhausted. Up, down, up, down.

Siel wonders how long it would take to cut Bel open, the amount of time the skin needs to heal after you slice it with a sharp knife. He wonders what the inside of Bel's skin feels like and if he could lay there forever, among knotted webs of veins. He wonders, if they could finally become one, and when. Bel breathes. Siel wonders, how long, how long.
Marieginamariegina on January 30th, 2009 03:30 pm (UTC)
...omg. that was...haunting... .o.O But you're good. Why so good? D:
proboscus on January 31st, 2009 01:41 am (UTC)
You're not even part of this fandom, oi! *drags back to JE* But thank you for reading!
Marieginamariegina on January 31st, 2009 03:38 am (UTC)
;_; *is dragged* Though I'm curious. WHAT fandom is this? :/
proboscus on January 31st, 2009 04:49 am (UTC)
Marieginamariegina on January 31st, 2009 04:58 am (UTC)
Hahaha, you sound so passionate. Too bad Im not into anime that much ;_;
proboscus on January 31st, 2009 05:13 am (UTC)
This is my fandom, of course I'm passionate about it. But it really does have an exclamation point at the end. Google it, it's true.
Marieginamariegina on January 31st, 2009 05:24 am (UTC)
eh.. maji... :/ okay. XD that's cute.
keleosnoonnakeleosnoonna on January 31st, 2009 12:10 am (UTC)
That was awesome! I loved your take on the pairing!!

Great job!
proboscus on January 31st, 2009 01:42 am (UTC)
Yay! Thank you for reading! Glad you liked it!
murasakinoegao on January 31st, 2009 01:28 am (UTC)
This is awesome! I love how you potray the 2 of them <3<3<3
proboscus on January 31st, 2009 01:42 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading! Glad you liked it! ringight be the first one to have written this pairing rofl!
P: Katekyo Hitman Reborn! - Hibariagentlerain on February 1st, 2009 01:03 pm (UTC)
You make me love Bel just that little bit more. It's really interesting to see what you write, you always bring a new perspective about the pairing you're writing for. The prose has that awesome tone that let the reader in on what the character feels. *____*
proboscus on February 1st, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC)
I was nervous about posting this, but I'm happy it turned out better than I expected; I'm happy some people (you) like it. Thank you for reading and commenting! :3
Pagentlerain on February 2nd, 2009 12:10 am (UTC)
The dialogue is just perfect too. They haven't gotten to the stage of killing each other yet, but you can definitely see it's getting there.

You also gave a possible reason as to why Bel tried killing Siel later on in the canon. Tired of fucking, tired of being the uke. :P Not getting the satisfaction he could easily demand in someone else.

The image of Bel fucking his brother before slitting his throat... I can definitely see it all.
violinistbaka: ysosrsviolinistbaka on February 4th, 2009 11:11 pm (UTC)
waaaahhh Twincest!! <3<3<3 *_______* Very well-written, and I love how you brought in the concept of them possibly wishing to be one again, just as they started in the womb.
proboscus on February 5th, 2009 05:03 am (UTC)
Thank you for reading! I LOVE the icon. (:
azureceruleanazurecerulean on October 5th, 2009 11:27 pm (UTC)
Alluring description and oh so hawt, wow!